Interpol Idiots

I'm writing this on the back of a coffee stained placemat drinking some kind of Korean drink from a can. It makes me think of the asian food market I once went to after an orthodontist appointment, or my childhood friend Lynn.

I'm sitting in the Plaza del Estudiante in Santa Cruz by the second ring. Why am I here? Well, I thought I would be spending the day finally getting my paper from Interpol and going to immigration after being illegal in Bolivia for almost a month now. No such luck. They said our papers came in but upon arrival at the office, nope. We need to come back the next day. While leaving we got pulled into a side office and interviewed for 'biometrics'. Apparently all foreigners need to do this (but I'm pretty sure our friends at the hogat didn't... Just another example of how wacky the system is) so they have more info on who's in Bolivia. In the end I got a little slip of paper to show anyone who asks for my papers that I don't have yet. Kind of like a "get-out-of-jail-free" card. I'm told too that I'll be more likely to be questioned because I look, well, not Bolivian (apparently I'm blonde here?). Mariela has less of a chance but will still probably be asked, especially if she's with me. That makes me feel like I put her at risk; that I'm a liability. Also, the fine is 20Bs for each day past our visa expiration date. Thank God for Mariela because she let them knkw. It's is not our fault; Interpol is the place who put us down and sent our papers to China. Hopefully we don't have to pay because we've racked up 600Bs, if not more, in fines. We started the process theee days after arrival. We were on top of our stuff.

The risk of deportation seems more real today. Maybe I had a prophetic dream a couple weeks ago when I dreamt we were deported to San 

Diego. And if I do get deported, that fills me with questions and fear. It's not scary in that I'm afraid of my well-being, but what are the implications for my future? Technically this is a felony, right? (Pleading innocence here). Will the plane ticket be covered by the government or do I pay? What happens at the convent and institute? Will they get new volunteers soon or have to wait for the next round of SLMs? Mission reimburtments? Should I apply for school now?

And then I really think about how God fits into this situation. What's His hand in all this? Is two months all He really wanted from me in Bolivia? What have I learned in this short time? How have I made an impression here (if any)? I'm not going to pretend I have any answers or write down my own conjectures. Hindsight is always 20/20 anyway. I'll just stick my mantra through this legal mess, "Your will be done."

So many questions, both secular and spiritual. I think of when Fr. Antony compared us to little pebbles. We're small, can be kicked around, become annoying when stuck in a shoe, just kind of there. But the Holy Spirit is a hurricane. And when that hurricane picks us up and increases our velocity, oh what an impact we can have! Here in Bolivia, I'm the pebble in the hurricane. Not really knowing where the Holy Spirit is taking me in this crazy storm, but submitting to the fact that I'm not in charge. He's the one who steers the storm. I do what I can, but the rest (and majority) is all Him. Trust in the Lord. A cliché maybe, but a hard and necessary lesson. Whether I stay or go, my hope is that it is as God sees fit.

P.S: If I'm in a hurricane with my VISA ish, BARISTA coffee is the eye of the storm. A little place of calm, smiles and serene caffeine.

Pensiamentos de Peter

Then he made the disciples get into the boat and precede him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. After doing so, he went up the mountain by himself to pray. When it was evening he was there alone. Meanwhile the boat, already a few miles offshore, was being tossed about by the waves, for the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night, he came toward them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw him walking on the sea they were terrified. "It is a ghost," they said, and they cried out in fear. At once [Jesus] spoke to them, "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid." Peter said to him reply, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." He said, "Come." Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw how [strong] the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" After they got into the boat, the wind died down. Those who were in the boat did him homage, saying, "Truly, you are the Son of God." (Matthew 14: 22-33)

Reading through this one might first think, "Wow, Jesus will always be there for us when we fall." And that's true and definitely a beautiful thing to be sure of, but it's not why I decided to post it tonight.
Rather, I wanted to delve into Peter's mind while he took his first step (or two). It's interesting how the scripture skims over the fact that Peter, a regular being, was actually WALKING ON WATER! That just blows my mind. I can picture it in my mind: Peter taking unsure steps as if walking on eggshells, face aghast, alternating his gaze of amazement at the water and at Jesus.
Now that I'm a couple weeks in for teaching, I really find myself wondering if Peter and I are sharing some thoughts. Here I am, in the middle of a job that I didn't really think I was capable of, and I'm doing it! I'm walking on the water, amazed that it's possible. I see how thin that water film is. I know that there is a huge risk of drowning. But yet, I am here and moving one foot at a time.

As far as teaching goes, boy does that stress me out! Mad props to everyone who dedicates their lives to education. All the years of schooling you put in and hard work inside and outside the classroom are immeasurable in their necessity. These first couple months of teaching seem to be like one big research project for me. I read online, looking for helpful tips and worksheets for my kids. But the biggest wealth of knowledge definitely comes from my teacher friends back home (thank you so much!) With their help, God, the gifts of knowledge and wisdom, my laptop and books here: I hope that this water I walk on will become sturdier ground. It's all about maintaining focus on Christ. He's what it is all about. Mission is for Him, and by Him. All because He said, "Come," and I stepped out of my boat. And now, each day is one more motion towards Jesus on the water, beckoning.

During the mornings, if wifi works, I like to listen to sermons on my iPhone (thanks Justin!). The first series I listened to was about the Theology of Suffering. Without going into too much detail, the guy said something that really correlates to this passage. He used an example of a little kid standing on the edge of a pool with a father in the water saying, "Jump." And the kid stands on the edge of the pool. Struggling with what he knows to be true about water and concrete edges and what he knows to be true about his dad. We cannot let our circumstances paralyze us or believe that our circumstances (be in the wind for Peter, or the edge of the pool for a child) are bigger than our Father. So cheers, to realizing that God above all and truly by His great power, ALL things are possible: even me, barely 20 years old, living and working in a foreign country.

Please continue to pray for all missionaries throughout the world and today, for all the souls of the departed <3